It has been two years, and you are still at the forefront of my mind. I have gone different places, met different people, experienced different things… But I cannot rid your memory from my mind. We spent two separate weekends in each other’s company. That is a grand total of four days. I still do not have the answer as to why I cannot escape the memories of those four days, but here I am writing about those precious ninety-six hours. I have only expressed my frustration with two women whom I trust and love dearly, and they are both left clueless, too. I explained every moment we shared, whether intimate or with our friends. I did not hold anything back- I wanted honesty and clarification about this hindrance. I call you a hindrance because neither I nor my friends can explain you away.
But maybe that is the thing… I do not wish I truly explain you away. I want to grasp you, feel you. I want to know if you experience the same torture that I go through on a daily basis.
None of this makes sense. I have been struggling with this for two years, and I am still unable to get my feelings out. This stream of consciousness turned into a mess, but I will not delete this like I did the others. I need some sort of physical evidence of my internal battle.
Two years and still no answers.