It has been two years, and you are still at the forefront of my mind.  I have gone different places, met different people, experienced different things… But I cannot rid your memory from my mind.  We spent two separate weekends in each other’s company.  That is a grand total of four days.  I still do not have the answer as to why I cannot escape the memories of those four days, but here I am writing about those precious ninety-six hours.  I have only expressed my frustration with two women whom I trust and love dearly, and they are both left clueless, too.  I explained every moment we shared, whether intimate or with our friends.  I did not hold anything back- I wanted honesty and clarification about this hindrance.  I call you a hindrance because neither I nor my friends can explain you away.

But maybe that is the thing… I do not wish I truly explain you away.  I want to grasp you, feel you.  I want to know if you experience the same torture that I go through on a daily basis.

None of this makes sense.  I have been struggling with this for two years, and I am still unable to get my feelings out.  This stream of consciousness turned into a mess, but I will not delete this like I did the others.  I need some sort of physical evidence of my internal battle.

Two years and still no answers.


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